...email sent Monday, April 18
Hello all,
Most of you have been in touch with either my mom or myself in this last almost 2 weeks (that have felt like an eternity) during which my life has changed in almost every way possible. I have not had the chance to talk to many of you, and even those who I have spoken to or have spoken with my mom may not know all that is going on at this point... so I wanted to just let everyone know where things stand, when things are happening, and where I am with it all.
So after finding a lump, going in for a mammogram and ultrasound, and being kept for biopsies, I was diagnosed two weeks ago tomorrow with breast cancer - invasive ductal carcinoma. They know it is invasive as it is growing outside the duct itself, but we do not know where or how far it has traveled, and will not find that out until post surgery. The cancer is in my right breast and currently my left breast looks 'clean', however I am opting for a double mastectomy as I'd prefer to only go through this all one time! At the time of surgery they will also remove a few lymph nodes (the sentinel nodes, or the first ones in the blood supply from the breast) to see if cancer has spread to them. Upon physical examination, Dr. Molin (my amazing breast doc) does not feel anything that causes alarm, so we are hoping with all of our might that it has not traveled to them.
I will go in for surgery early the morning of Monday, April 25. I go in at 6am and surgery is scheduled from about 8 to noon. Big fun. They will be doing stage one of reconstruction at the same time, which is part of what makes it such a long morning... I'm hoping to look something like Dolly Parton when this is all over;) I'll have a follow up appointment probably Friday of that week to go over pathology reports, and then meet with my oncologist May 4 to discuss what my long term treatment will look like.
I've had a bit of time up to now to process, learn, make decisions and begin the preparation and strengthening process I need as I enter surgery and recovery. I'm feeling strong, fearful, sad, incredibly supported and loved, frustrated, grateful, exhausted... you name it.
I've been working with a wonderful qi gong instructor I used to take classes from, an energy and lymph healer, and an acupuncturist along with my Western docs. I am also trying to eat heartily, think positively, and embrace this all in as positive a light as I can... fear, anger, and stress simply sap me of the energy I so desperately need to strengthen, balance and heal myself. Generally speaking I feel like I'm in a good place, in good hands, and doing exactly what I need to be to get through this with as much strength, grace, and poise as possible.
I am being surrounded by love and support from far and wide and feel it all pouring in daily - everyone at Catherine McAuley High School where I work is being amazing (faculty, admin, students, parents, friends... ), and our "dance family" who Isis and I spend so much of our time with are equally supportive... I am beyond grateful to have mom and papa here as they have already done so much and this "journey" has barely begun... and to my family and friends all over the world, I thank you for your emails, notes, calls, love, energy and prayers that are pouring in - they all mean so much and add to my strength moving forward. All of this along with our own strength and each other will get me and Isis through this crazy few months we have ahead.
Isis is doing ok - she's internalizing most of what she's feeling right now , but was able to express last night that she really doesn't understand what's going on yet. I think April 25th when I go in for / come out of surgery, it will all become very real to her. She also has an amazing support system consisting of her teachers at school, a few very close school friends, teachers, friends, and parents at dance, the plethora of McAuley students who have offered to babysit this summer who all adore her, all of you who are sending her love and cards and emails, and of course my parents down the street who would do anything for her!
Back to some logistics...
The night after surgery I'll be at the hospital (Mercy Fore River Campus in Portland), and as long as pain is under control (which it should be considering the insane amount of narcotics and muscle relaxants that will be flowing through my blood... ) I'll go "home" the 26th. Isis and I will be living at my parents' house for at least 2 weeks at that point.
I will certainly keep everyone posted as I find things out. I may start some sort of blog for updates... in which case I will let people know. Please feel free to forward this along to people not on the list above - no intention of excluding people, piecing together an all inclusive list is a daunting task.
There are not words to thank you all enough for the love and support you are sending... I know we'll all get through this... and everyone says you come out the other side stronger and wiser and with a better sense of humor... I already thought I was pretty tough and smart and funny, but what do I know?!?
Love to you all!!
xoxox
Jamie
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