Wow, I have been quite slack in my updating of late... in fact it is not because I've fallen off the face of the earth (thankfully), but partly because this chemo business is starting to wear me down:( and partly because (on a more positive note) I've been distracted by dear friends and family coming to visit (from CO, FL, and the like!) with a few social events and some peaceful time at the lake thrown in between:) --- not to mention I'm having a terrible time multi-tasking of late (or even focusing on more than one thing a day it seems... ) which I'm blaming on the aptly named phenomenon "chemo brain". This is something one reads about and thinks "pshaw... ", however when you begin to experience it for yourself you realize it's in fact no joke... at times it can be entertaining or a bit humorous, but when you actually want to be able to think through something with some sort of continuity, complete a task that requires a decent amount of thought, do more than one thing at a time, or sometimes even just function properly or remember what you are saying, it can be incredibly frustrating. Just yesterday I found myself driving up the one way street at the end of my block... we've lived here for 6 years!?
Wait, what was I talking about? ;) kidding...
Whirlwind update:
Chemo number three was as expected... 4 days of feeling awful followed by 3 days of slowly entering the world again. I am starting to feel some of the cumulative affects I think - more fatigue, longer recovery time after exercise... and unfortunately being half way done did not bring with it the excitement and elation I was hoping for, so that was a bit of a let down:(
Chemo number four brought with it a tougher time all around... more than the 4-5 days of expected grossness, harsher side effects, and I've felt pretty wiped out for the entire 3 weeks. 2/3 unfortunately did not end up being a much happier fraction than 1/2...
And now, ready or not, here I go in for number 5!
I am in a better space than I've been in for a while though (another reason I've probably avoided writing as it just doesn't appeal to share one's feelings with the masses when they are rather on the dark side). I met with my oncologist last Friday and we discussed some of my trepidation... he would like to see me complete all 6 rounds, but feels decreasing the dose a bit may help with side effects without losing efficacy. Decreasing the dose will also allow me to forgo the Neulasta shot, which may well remove a side effect or two. This will require closer monitoring of blood counts, along with a higher level of avoidance of all germs (may not be fun)... but I am hoping it will give me a bit of respite from some of the less manageable discomfort.
So... as I head into round 5 my mantras revolve around trusting, nurturing and supporting my body, mind and spirit as much as I possibly can - while allowing the chemo to get in there and abolish any cancerous cells that may still be lurking. Please send peaceful thoughts of healing light and energy moving through my body, my veins, my bones, my organs - and clearing them of toxic cells as I embark on these last two treatments!
...with so much love and gratitude to all <3
peace...
Jamie
